I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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