Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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