i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
