I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
