So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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