Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
