we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
