And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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