I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
