i think i have two assholes
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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