Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
