She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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