Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
