I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Randomize
