Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize