you would pick up someone in the library
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
