the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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