listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Randomize
