We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
