i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
