Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
