The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
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