I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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