Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
