tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
