matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
