So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
