I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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