I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
