Hey man sorry I got all grabby
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
