Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
