hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
