I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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