I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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