I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
