Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
