I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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