it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
