woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
