dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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