She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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