no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
