Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Randomize
