Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize