hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
