I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm way too hungover for life right now
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
