Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
