I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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