she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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