Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
