I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
he laminated a picture of his dick.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
