i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
