If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
