Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
