so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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