We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
