You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
