If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
