I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
