I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
