I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
