shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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