god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
