If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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