The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize