Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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